It's Always Been You
by breatheactsing123
Summary: My take on what should have happened when Lorelai went to see Luke while April was in the hospital.


" _I knew if I called you'd come."_

The words echoed over and over through Lorelai's head as she drove her jeep to Saint Joseph's, a memory of something she'd said to Luke almost two years ago, when they'd broken up the first time. It was late, and she was crying, so she called, and he came just like she knew he would, and she hated herself for calling, she hated herself for not being able to get over him… then and now.

" _This isn't because you love him. This is because he would do the same thing if it were Rory. He's a new dad, and he's afraid, and he hates hospitals, and he would do the exact same thing for you."_

Lorelai repeated this to herself over and over, realizing after a moment that there was one critical detail that was wrong.

" _You don't love him. You loved him. You love Christopher. You married Christopher. Christopher is the father of your child."_

She added to the mantra, replacing, "This isn't because you love him." Because that bit was wrong. She didn't love him. Or at least, she didn't want to. Shaking the thought out of her mind, she parked her car in the visitor's lot at Saint Joe's and made her way up to the pediatrics wing, finding Luke sitting anxiously in the waiting room. She couldn't see his face, just that damned black hat. She sighed.

"Hey," She said softly.

When he heard that first sigh, he thought at first that he must be dreaming, or that the stress of his only child currently being cut open and having organs removed had caused him to become delusional, because he'd recognize that sigh anywhere, and Lorelai Gilmore was definitely not in this room with him right now. She'd know just what to say, though. She'd know that you don't need to donate your appendix to your kid. He was going on and on in his head about other things he was sure she would know when he heard her voice, and prayed to God he wasn't delusional. He looked up and there she was. Pretty convincing delusion.

"Oh, hey. Hi." He said, standing up.

"How is she?" Lorelai asked, and Luke noticed the genuine concern in her voice. Of course she was concerned, she cared about April. She wanted to care about April before he'd messed it all up. Luke got lost in his thoughts for a moment and had to remind himself to answer her question.

"Okay. It was appendicitis, like you said. But she's okay. I mean the operation went really great. They got it out, no problem. And she's gonna be fine. And I'm gonna be able to see her pretty soon."

"Good, good." Lorelai said, trying to reassure him as they sat down next to each other. She could tell he was still a little tense. "There's nothing worse than taking your kid to the emergency room. You know I remember Rory had food poisoning, and they had to hook her up to an I.V. And she just looked so little and scared. It made me feel like they were gonna have to hook me up to an I.V."

"I was almost out of my mind, I was so scared. I mean at one point, I got so panicked, I was thinking maybe I'd give her my appendix, you know if they could do some kind of a transplant or something. But I was a little out of my mind." He rambled.

"Well, I'm glad she's gonna be okay."

"Yeah, you didn't- you know you didn't have to come, but thanks for coming."

"You'd do it for me- for Rory," she corrected.

"Yeah, I would." He agreed softly.

"And I, uh, I know hospitals aren't your favorite place, so I kind of just figured…" she said, trailing off as she realized he'd caught sight of the ring on her finger, and suddenly feeling incredibly stupid. "But, you know, I guess I'm not really your favorite person right now either, so I'll just go because I'm probably making this worse anyways," Lorelai said apologetically as she gathered her things and made her way to the door.

"Lorelai, wait," Luke said, not willing to let her walk away again.

Lorelai stopped in her tracks but she didn't turn around. She couldn't turn around. If she turned around, the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes would certainly break free and she wasn't going to do that. She wasn't going to cry in this hospital over Luke when she had Christopher waiting at home. She was not that sort of girl.

"It's you, Lorelai. It's always been you. You're still my favorite person. You're always going to be my favorite person."

Or maybe she was. She turned around and let the tears fall. She went to speak up, but Luke started again.

"And you're wearing a ring on your finger now and that kills me… that kills me because it could have been me. I had it, Lorelai, and I blew it. For so long, I just wanted to make you happy, and I lost sight of that, and it was the biggest mistake I ever made. God, Lorelai… I just really, really hope you're happy. Because you're always going to be my favorite person."

"Luke… I can't… I don't know how to be happy without you. Not like I was happy with you. I have been happy in moments. I was happy in Paris. I was happy when I got married. I was happy when Chris took me out on dates-" Lorelai said, not noticing Luke's jaw tighten when she mentioned her now-husband. "But when I was with you… I was happy when I did the laundry and I got to pull your flannels warm out of the dryer. I was happy when Michel was droning on about guests that annoyed him because just next to his annoying face were the flowers you sent me. I was happy when I went grocery shopping because I knew that putting a few vegetables in the cart would make you smile when you came home that night. I was happy, Luke. I was the kind of happy that people spent their whole lives searching for, the kind of happy that people are looking for when they take up Yoga or go on a three month hiking expedition. I was so, so, happy, and then I lost you, Luke, and I can't handle losing you again, and it's selfish of you to ask me to consider it."

"It is selfish. It's so incredibly selfish. And that's what I've been, is selfish. I was so focused on all of the crap in my life that I forgot about the one person that makes all the crap worth dealing with, and I lost her. But Lorelai, I mean it when I say all I want… and all I've ever wanted… is to make you happy. Do you believe that? Can you let me do that for you?"

"I believe you. God, I have no choice but to believe you… but I'm married, Luke."

"I was married once too, you know." Luke said softly, taking a couple of steps to close the gap between them.

"This is crazy."

"Does he make you happy?"

"He's my husband."

"That's not what I asked."

"He's my husband."

"Do you want him to be?" He asked her, his strikingly blue eyes boring into hers intensely.

"No." She answered. "No, I don't. I never did. It took him hours to talk me into it."

"We can fix this… we can pretend the past few months never happened. I can introduce you to April once she's feeling better."

"I can get a divorce." She said, more to the air than to Luke. "Wow… married and divorced in less than a month."

"Do you want this?" He asked her genuinely.

"Yes, god, more than anything I want this. Just… promise me one thing."

"Anything. Everything."

"Please, for the love of God, Luke, please don't hurt me again. I don't think I could take it. No more secrets."

"No more secrets," He agreed.

Somewhere along the way they had moved dangerously close to each other. The waiting room was thankfully, blissfully empty, but it was still the pediatric waiting room. It was still completely inappropriate for a married woman to be standing this incredibly close to a man that wasn't her husband in the pediatric waiting room at Saint Joe's… but they'd waited long enough. Lorelai tilted her chin up and Luke captured her lips over his, kissing her and kissing her and telling himself that he'd never stop until they heard footsteps and managed to separate themselves before the owner of those footsteps rounded the corner.

"Mr. Danes? You can see April now."

Luke looked at Lorelai, not wanting this moment to end if by some awful awful mistake or curse from god it was some sort of dream or delusion, but needing more than anything to see his daughter safe and recovering. Lorelai spoke first.

"Go. She's going to want her dad there."

"I'll call you."

"Why don't you let me call you. After I take care of the uh… situation," she said, pulling at her wedding ring anxiously.

"Okay… just don't change your mind."

"I won't if you won't."

"Deal," she smiled at him as she turned and left.

" _Second best thing I ever got at a hospital,"_ she thought as she turned her key in the ignition to drive home.


End file.
